Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize