This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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