Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
