I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize