I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
