I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
