there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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