Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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