please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
