my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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