I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
