I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Actions speak louder than pants.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
