I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
