pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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