my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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