Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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