My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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