i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize