he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
