dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
