she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
