I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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