Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
