i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
