I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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