hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
