He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
