we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
