I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Less talking, more tequila
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
