...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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