It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When did we convert life to cartoon?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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