If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
