i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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