on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
