dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
