you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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