is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
