8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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