I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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