What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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