This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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