i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
