i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
