I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
