New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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