ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
