dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
