running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
