if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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