The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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