i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize