after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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