Pants 0. Shit 1.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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