im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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