i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
