There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
