I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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