plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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