walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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