I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
